If you’ve ever spent any time around the Time Out team – and you should, because we’re all impossibly charming, arrestingly attractive and exude an odour of fresh-cut grass and hope – you’ll know that there are certain things we love. Freedom. Justice. Booze. But most of all, we love Japan’s greatest cultural gift to the species: the powerful art of karaoke.
We’ve already compiled a list of the city’s most righteous karaoke dens, but we’re also preparing a playlist of the Time Out staff jams o’ choice: seriously, until you have heard group editor Nick Dent lay down Nena’s ’99 Lüftballoons’ IN THE ORIGINAL GERMAN (pictured, right) then you’ve never truly heard it.
And we could leave it there, like some lesser magazine for jerks would do – but we love you too much, and the last thing we want is for you to go to Melbourne’s best k-rooms and accidentally humiliate yourself. You’re better than that.
And that is why we, with the help of A Team of Experts (aka friends on Facebook, mainly) have compiled this list of karaoke deathtraps, in which we warn you off 20 songs that each seem like a good idea but are in fact ghastly mistakes – and in so doing reveal the bonus SINGLE MOST DIFFICULT KARAOKE SONG IN THE WORLD. You’re welcome.
Take these tips on board and who knows? Maybe you too will one day work for Time Out!
Five songs that are higher than you realise
The Darkness: ‘I Believe in a Thing Called Love’
Kate Bush: ‘Wuthering Heights’
Duran Duran: ‘A View to a Kill’
A-Ha: ‘Take on Me’
Five songs with unexpected key changes
George Michael: ‘Freedom’
John Farnham: ‘You’re the Voice’
Bon Jovi: ‘Livin’ on a Prayer’
Johnny Cash: ‘I Walk The Line’
Whitney Houston: ‘The Greatest Love of All’
Five songs with long, awkward instrumental passages where you just stand there like an idiot
Sinead O’Connor: ‘Nothing Compares 2 U’
10cc: ‘I’m Not In Love’
Guns ‘n Roses: ‘November Rain’
Barry Manilow: ‘Copacabana’
Blondie: ‘Heart of Glass’
Five songs where you only remember the chorus hook and forget how weird the phrasing is in the rest of the song
David Bowie & Queen: ‘Under Pressure’
Kate Bush: ‘Running Up That Hill’
Britney Spears: ‘Toxic’
Destiny’s Child: ‘Say My Name’
The Doobie Brothers: ‘What A Fool Believes’
And finally: The Perfect Storm: Everything Above, In The One Song
What’s wrongfooted you when you’ve taken the mic? Let us know!
By Andrew P Street