Dear the Internet,
We’re pretty darn excited about the news that the folks behind Breaking Bad are spinning off a show focussing on Bob Odenkirk’s shady lawyer Saul Goodman, not least because a) it’s more Breaking Bad, and b) it opens the way for an entire slate of them! We’ve only got a couple of weeks left (and dear god, the way it ended this week… holy hell…) but fret not, Badlings, because we’ve got all the details on five more shows that will help ease the pain after the final credits roll: remember their names!
“Ms White, AM I UNDER DETENTION? AM I UNDER DETENTION?”
Pitch: Charlies Angels on speed – literally!
Synopsis: Jesse Pinkman calls back Saul’s “disappearer” about arranging a brand new life under an entirely new identity – and becomes a private investigator, because what better crimefighter could there be than an ex-criminal? Flanked by three spunky dames with a nose for trouble, a taste for adventure and a crippling addiction to amphetamines, he’s making and breaking the law all over again. Also, cooking meth. He’s totally doing that.
Pitch: The Facts of Life, but with a higher body count
Synopsis: With Walt out of the picture, his long-suffering wife Skyler gives up the car wash to take over his old job – teaching chemistry at JP Wynne High School. It’s to provide for her and the infant Holly, but as she gets drawn more and more into the lives and loves of her students we see a teacher that dares to care, that will go that extra mile, and will show a remarkable amount of surprisingly brutal pragmatism when shit gets real.
Pitch: Californication, but with cerebral palsy
Synopsis: Walt Jr leaves Albuquerque for the bright lights of Hollywood, where he can pursue his love of fast cars – and fast women! The moral centre of Breaking Bad trades his P-plates for R-rates as he discovers his previously-unrealised skill with the ladies, thanks to his sensitivity, his compassion, and a wang like a rearing rattlesnake. And you know that he’s always going to stick around for breakfast.
The Colour Purple
Pitch: an interior design show, with a twist. Well, more accurately, with exactly one twist
Synopsis: Hank Schrader’s wife goes to a series of houses in need of her keen eye and single idea when it comes to how to spruce up a home: purple! Regardless of the homeowners’ tastes or increasingly desperate objections, Marie shows how sticking to one colour scheme can turn any down-at-heel home into something akin to a Tree of Life outlet (especially once she scatters some of Hank’s minerals around the place). She’s also got some excellent suggestions regarding keeping your budget in check, although you’ll want to check her pockets before she leaves.
Pitch: Touched by an Extremely Grumpy Angel
Synopsis: Mike Ehrmantraut is going to let something as annoying as bleeding to death beside a river stop him from looking after his beloved granddaughter – and that’s why TV’s most loveable curmudgeon is now its most cranky and violent guardian angel! Watch him deal swift justice to anyone who gets in Kaylee’s way from beyond the grave, all the while sending her faked letters keeping her abreast of his supposed new life in Belize. It’s TV’s most heartwarming hour of brutal violence!